Drake Professor of Sociology Nancy Berns, author of Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us, shared her expertise around grief and the pressure to “move on” and find “closure” in a recent Yahoo Life article.
In the article, titled, “How those who grieve feel pressured to ‘move on’ — and why that makes the loss hurt even more,” Professor Berns said,
“Closure grew in popularity particularly in the ’90s, but has roots in the ’60s and ’70s, with the rise of pop psychology and victim survivor movements.” The “made-up concept” has been exploited by groups including politicians pushing the death penalty and those in the funeral industry, she said.
“It carries a lot of baggage and can create more harm than help for those who are grieving. We grieve because we love. Even as it changes over time and people learn how to carry it, it’s still going to be part of our lives in many ways.”
But when people receive messages about closure, she adds, “What it sounds like is, ‘You don’t want to listen to my pain,’ and it shuts them down and isolates them further.”